Conversation is a two-way street, and as we all know, that road can occasionally be rocky, winding or slow going. When it is, the best thing you can do is stop talking, take a step back and listen.
In a recent interview with tastytrade, Mattersight CEO Kelly Conway shared some personality-based tips for being a better listener. The next time you find yourself in a conversation that seems to be heading in the wrong direction, give his 3-step recovery plan a whirl.
Step #1: Tune into the “How”
A great conversation is about what’s being said. In a less-than-great one, it’s how things are being said that matters. ID’ing someone’s personality style is the first step in salvaging your conversation with them, because it gives you an immediate understanding of their needs and motivations. That style comes through in things like tone, tempo, syntax and grammar, and if you know what to listen for, it’s easy to spot.
Download our free infographic on how to spot and talk to different personality styles
Step #2: Look Out for Distress
Distress is the state we go into when things are important, uncertain or unknown — and it’s the demise of many a conversation. But because distress looks different in different personality styles, it’s not always clear why a conversation is going south, or even that it is. Is the person you’re talking to getting flustered? Are they becoming hypercritical? Are they overspecifying? Distress patterns like these are a red flag that a person’s psychological needs aren’t being met. Until they are, the conversation isn’t going to go anywhere.
Step #3: Give Back What You Get
Our language patterns and distress signals are like advertisements. They tell the world exactly how we want to be communicated with. If you want to get a conversation back on track, set your own preferences aside and give the other person’s advertisements right back to them. “If you do,” says Kelly, “you’ll have much more successful meetings and more success in selling and servicing customers.”
Got three minutes? Check out Kelly’s interview, “Listening Well Has Nothing to Do With Words.”
Image: akz / 123RF Stock Photo
